It was six years ago on a mission trip to Mexico that I knew what I was created to do. I know that sounds extreme and I can't really explain the feeling except that it feel like pure joy for the first time in my life. Like I had never really experienced the joy of understanding my purpose or understanding what I was created to do and then all the sudden I knew and there was an overwhelming joy that just came over me. Its that joy that has led my life these last couple years, I spent a lot of time in college seeking my calling and trying to understand what it was that God was really leading me to do. I experienced a lot of different paths that I could take abroad and finally found myself being drawn to biblical translation and reaching those who have never been given the opportunity to choose the God I live for. So here I am, it's now.
So it's safe to say I have a lot on my mind and on my heart, I am overwhelmed by the love and support I have received and I am pretty sure I have ran out of tears because I have cried so much from saying goodbye to those who have literally changed my life. I am not sad about leaving, I know there will be a time when i will cry because I am sad, but for now I cry because I am amazed at how much love I have seen from everyone in my life, I mean I am seriously in awe of my friends and family, and basically I hope you all know I am going because I am so filled with love from you all that I have to go give it out to a people group who may have not experienced it. But I have a few other things on my mind too, I am so excited and so anxious and if I am being totally honest and vulnerable I am scared...
What if I get there and can't learn the language,
what if I get there and I am not nearly prepared,
what if I get there and I am completely inadequate,
what if I get there and I fail...
I've been struggling with these questions for a while and I think I know all the answers. It's not if, its when. When I can't learn the language I will trust completely in God, how about I trust in God from the very beginning? When I realize I'm not prepared then I will really start leaning on God. When I fail and when I am completely inadequate then God's grace will find me just where I am. God's grace is there no matter where I am at, whether I am struggling or not. It's this ocean of grace that is covering me. At. All. Times.
So here I am, it's now. I'm leaving for two years and God's grace has found me just where I am.
"And the Word because flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth." - John 1:14
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